This was actually a lot longer first- this is about 5500 words, I think, but there were two thousand words I cut out that came after that explained more about that because it was completely reduntant and the story lost tone. Basically what I wrote but omitted was that John had been developing something that would destroy Harry's soul and mind but leave everything intact. So he'd run on automatic, and Mab wouldn't be able to tell because Faeries can't soulgaze.
But that was like abruptly introducing somethingmumblePLOT into what's supposed to be just, you know, a drabble-thing, so I left it vague. I thought that the eventually Mab would tire of him when he became boring and predictable and Lloyd Slate-y, and pass the mantle onto someone else without suspecting anyone's involvement in it. But again, unwelcome plot. Honestly, this part is the reason I hated the entire thing. Cutting the last parts off made it better, but it gained a lot of weaknesses, too.
So he'd run on automatic, and Mab wouldn't be able to tell because Faeries can't soulgaze.
I thought this came across pretty clearly, actually! Harry was so concerned about John doing it while her attention was elsewhere, it definitely made me think of a kind of mercy killing.
Okay, whew, then I somewhat managed to strike the balance between no-terrible-exposition and just-enough-information-to-make-it-plausible. That's good to know.
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timeasmymeasure
Re: Terrible Fill 2/2
Date: 2011-03-08 08:28 am (UTC)Re: Terrible Fill 2/2
Date: 2011-03-08 11:47 am (UTC)But that was like abruptly introducing somethingmumblePLOT into what's supposed to be just, you know, a drabble-thing, so I left it vague. I thought that the eventually Mab would tire of him when he became boring and predictable and Lloyd Slate-y, and pass the mantle onto someone else without suspecting anyone's involvement in it. But again, unwelcome plot. Honestly, this part is the reason I hated the entire thing. Cutting the last parts off made it better, but it gained a lot of weaknesses, too.
Re: Terrible Fill 2/2
Date: 2011-03-08 01:35 pm (UTC)I thought this came across pretty clearly, actually! Harry was so concerned about John doing it while her attention was elsewhere, it definitely made me think of a kind of mercy killing.
Re: Terrible Fill 2/2
Date: 2011-03-08 05:24 pm (UTC)