Molly was in a good mood that clashed with my stormy disposition. "Hey, boss, what's got you grumpy this time?"
Right off the bat. I couldn't keep my mouth shut. It's like my entire body stopped as words poured out of me, my control only coming back when I was done. "The Leanansidhe's put a curse on me so I can't lie." I shook myself hard. "No, I can't tell the truth. That's it."
Molly blinked at me. "Oh. Um. Hold on, I remember this riddle from Labyrinth."
I sighed. "Just..." I rubbed my face. "Warding. We're going to work on warding. And you're not going to ask me any questions."
She frowned at me. "If I can't ask questions, how am I going to learn?"
"You're not." I winced. "Okay, you can ask, but... just be careful what you ask." I pulled out a notebook I'd filled with runes and symbols. "Here. Work on copying these, as perfect as you can. It's important to be able to write the ward anchors perfectly before we attempt anything."
So I got Molly working on the paperwork and stole a glass of homemade lemonade from the Carpenters' fridge.
Michael came in, grabbed his own glass, and poured more lemonade. He topped off my glass as well. "Harry." He smiled warmly at me. "How is your Knighthood going?"
Oh crap. "Horribly. I hate it. A lot of time, I don't even feel human anymore. I have dreams about falling into the lake and not coming back, and they're not nightmares."
Michael's jaw dropped. Through the kitchen doorway, I could see Molly's head snap up, a similar expression of shock on her face.
I couldn't do this. Goddamn Lea, I couldn't just say things like that to my friends, to the people who were the closest thing I had to family. I didn't need to think about those dreams. There was too much bubbling under the surface and the most innocent questions brought it all up, like a pot boiling over.
I shut my eyes and took a deep breath. "Dammit." I exhaled. "Dammit." I tore out of the kitchen, grabbing my staff. "Molly, explain-- explain that, I have to leave."
As I headed out the door, I hear Michael call after me, "Where are you going?"
"Winter!" I answered before hoping into the Nevernever.
I scorched a circle in the snow around, fueling my fire with raw hurt and anger. This was ridiculous. I had told one white lie to my Queen and in return Lea screwed me over like this. How the hell was this an appropriate response? And what the hell was the lesson? If it was to be more honest, Lea had certainly screwed it up royally. Now I was convinced the random lie was for the greater good. Nothing would come out of telling my friends how miserable I was. Nothing would come out of examining the... thing with Murphy, especially not now.
So I brought up my circle around me and called out. "Leanansidhe! Leanansidhe! Leanansidhe! Come forth! The Winter Knight demands audience!"
I broke the circle with a toe and felt my call radiate out into Winter like a ripple.
I don't know if it was because my new rank actually had some leverage or if she'd been waiting for me, but within a few minutes, I heard the hounds to the east. Or to my right, anyway. I didn't know if compass directions had meaning in the Nevernever. Probably not.
I walked to meet her, not having to worry about trudging through the snow because it melted before me. I should've been tapping further into icy Winter magic, but had yet to really feel the urge to. Probably part and parcel of that wishing I hadn't come back from the dead thing.
Stars, now I knew how Buffy felt. But it shouldn't've mattered. I made the deal with Mab, I'd suck it up and suffer through. No one else made me take up the mantle. It was my burden, not to be undone by a simple, innocent question from a man I trusted.
Lea brought her mount to a stop as I approached. "You summoned me, my sweet Knight?"
I pointed to my neck. "Take it off. Get rid of it. Now."
She threw her head back and laughed. "Such forcefulness! What is the problem?"
"I can't go around answering every fucking question honestly! When someone asks me how my life's going, they don't need the specifics!"
She nodded attentively. "So you need to lie to your loved ones."
"No! It's not lying it's..." I scrubbed my face, looking for the right word. "Not volunteering information. It's knowing when the right time to talk about these things is. And chatting over lemonade in the kitchen is not the right time!"
She reached down and put a hand on my hair, brushing my bangs back, giving me a vaguely maternal look. "My sweet, I am not of your people, but even I know that what you're doing will beget only more suffering." She raked her nails over my scalp and I felt some of my anger pulled away, a dull calm replacing it. "You are not learning the lesson. I do not do this to pain you, but out of concern for you, my Knight. My godson."
"Lea..."
"You are going to be bound to Winter for a long time, child. As things stand, I can see you ripping yourself apart, piece by piece, and denying it every time someone says you're bleeding." She touched her fingers to her lips, then to my forehead. "Go back to your world, little one. I've dispensed all the help I can."
My anger was soothed, swept away by Faerie magic, leaving me feeling empty where it had been. I didn't want to fight her anymore. I just felt like I was hurt, aching deep in my bones.
I nodded slowly to my Godmother and ripped a hole back to the mortal plane.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
FILL 3/?
I should've just stayed home.
Molly was in a good mood that clashed with my stormy disposition. "Hey, boss, what's got you grumpy this time?"
Right off the bat. I couldn't keep my mouth shut. It's like my entire body stopped as words poured out of me, my control only coming back when I was done. "The Leanansidhe's put a curse on me so I can't lie." I shook myself hard. "No, I can't tell the truth. That's it."
Molly blinked at me. "Oh. Um. Hold on, I remember this riddle from Labyrinth."
I sighed. "Just..." I rubbed my face. "Warding. We're going to work on warding. And you're not going to ask me any questions."
She frowned at me. "If I can't ask questions, how am I going to learn?"
"You're not." I winced. "Okay, you can ask, but... just be careful what you ask." I pulled out a notebook I'd filled with runes and symbols. "Here. Work on copying these, as perfect as you can. It's important to be able to write the ward anchors perfectly before we attempt anything."
So I got Molly working on the paperwork and stole a glass of homemade lemonade from the Carpenters' fridge.
Michael came in, grabbed his own glass, and poured more lemonade. He topped off my glass as well. "Harry." He smiled warmly at me. "How is your Knighthood going?"
Oh crap. "Horribly. I hate it. A lot of time, I don't even feel human anymore. I have dreams about falling into the lake and not coming back, and they're not nightmares."
Michael's jaw dropped. Through the kitchen doorway, I could see Molly's head snap up, a similar expression of shock on her face.
I couldn't do this. Goddamn Lea, I couldn't just say things like that to my friends, to the people who were the closest thing I had to family. I didn't need to think about those dreams. There was too much bubbling under the surface and the most innocent questions brought it all up, like a pot boiling over.
I shut my eyes and took a deep breath. "Dammit." I exhaled. "Dammit." I tore out of the kitchen, grabbing my staff. "Molly, explain-- explain that, I have to leave."
As I headed out the door, I hear Michael call after me, "Where are you going?"
"Winter!" I answered before hoping into the Nevernever.
I scorched a circle in the snow around, fueling my fire with raw hurt and anger. This was ridiculous. I had told one white lie to my Queen and in return Lea screwed me over like this. How the hell was this an appropriate response? And what the hell was the lesson? If it was to be more honest, Lea had certainly screwed it up royally. Now I was convinced the random lie was for the greater good. Nothing would come out of telling my friends how miserable I was. Nothing would come out of examining the... thing with Murphy, especially not now.
So I brought up my circle around me and called out. "Leanansidhe! Leanansidhe! Leanansidhe! Come forth! The Winter Knight demands audience!"
I broke the circle with a toe and felt my call radiate out into Winter like a ripple.
I don't know if it was because my new rank actually had some leverage or if she'd been waiting for me, but within a few minutes, I heard the hounds to the east. Or to my right, anyway. I didn't know if compass directions had meaning in the Nevernever. Probably not.
I walked to meet her, not having to worry about trudging through the snow because it melted before me. I should've been tapping further into icy Winter magic, but had yet to really feel the urge to. Probably part and parcel of that wishing I hadn't come back from the dead thing.
Stars, now I knew how Buffy felt. But it shouldn't've mattered. I made the deal with Mab, I'd suck it up and suffer through. No one else made me take up the mantle. It was my burden, not to be undone by a simple, innocent question from a man I trusted.
Lea brought her mount to a stop as I approached. "You summoned me, my sweet Knight?"
I pointed to my neck. "Take it off. Get rid of it. Now."
She threw her head back and laughed. "Such forcefulness! What is the problem?"
"I can't go around answering every fucking question honestly! When someone asks me how my life's going, they don't need the specifics!"
She nodded attentively. "So you need to lie to your loved ones."
"No! It's not lying it's..." I scrubbed my face, looking for the right word. "Not volunteering information. It's knowing when the right time to talk about these things is. And chatting over lemonade in the kitchen is not the right time!"
She reached down and put a hand on my hair, brushing my bangs back, giving me a vaguely maternal look. "My sweet, I am not of your people, but even I know that what you're doing will beget only more suffering." She raked her nails over my scalp and I felt some of my anger pulled away, a dull calm replacing it. "You are not learning the lesson. I do not do this to pain you, but out of concern for you, my Knight. My godson."
"Lea..."
"You are going to be bound to Winter for a long time, child. As things stand, I can see you ripping yourself apart, piece by piece, and denying it every time someone says you're bleeding." She touched her fingers to her lips, then to my forehead. "Go back to your world, little one. I've dispensed all the help I can."
My anger was soothed, swept away by Faerie magic, leaving me feeling empty where it had been. I didn't want to fight her anymore. I just felt like I was hurt, aching deep in my bones.
I nodded slowly to my Godmother and ripped a hole back to the mortal plane.