We sat in a circle in our chairs. And then everyone went around in a circle introducing themselves. Who they were, some random fact about themselves, and then the words, "I'm a homosexual."
Steve was a computer programmer and he was a homosexual. Emma played the violin and she was a homosexual. Jeff was a fucking ridiculous stereotype and he was, gasp, a homosexual.
Andi was... Andi was interesting. Andi was, by what I could tell from her aura- not that I had much practice at reading people's auras- a little bit magically sensitive. Probably not a wizard like me, but I made a mental note to check her out. No, not like that. Well, okay, yes like that, my god, those legs, but that didn't matter, because she liked nature and she was a homosexual. What I mean was, I figured I should see whether she had some magic skills or something.
Speaking of checking out, the next girl was interesting too, though not in the magical sort of way. "I'm Murphy," she said, her voice practically seething with rage. Mary gave her a reproving look, and Murphy rolled her eyes. "Fine, I'm Karrin. I just earned my second-rank black belt in Aikido. And," she gritted her teeth, "I'm a homosexual." She sat back down, arms folded, glaring at the wall. I didn't blame her. It was a really hideous wall.
Murphy was damn pretty. She was tiny- she might not even hit five feet- and her skirt and the short sleeves of her pepto-bismol pink blouse showed off a physique that was all wiry muscle. Her blond hair, cut into a short pixie cut, framed her face, which was... really nice. Cute little button nose, bright blue eyes, and take-no-shit attitude added up to a few hundred points in the the "What the hell am I doing here" column. Too bad she probably wouldn't be interested.
Well, okay, that's what they were trying to fix, wasn't it?
Ah, who was I kidding? Even if she was straight as an arrow, who would be interested in a guy who looks like me?
In one of life's little ironies, the answer to that question came immediately. The guy I'd run into in the dormitory was next. "I'm John," he said. "I assist my uncle in the management of his many business interests." He let his eyes slide over me again, up and down, not bothering to disguise it the least. "I'm a homosexual," he said blandly, with a slight, challenging smile.
I have to admit, as uncomfortable as it was to be on the recieving end of such interest, it was also kind of... nice. Reassuring. At least somebody thought I was hot, even if he was a bit too, you know, male for my taste.
The introductions continued, and I admit I spaced out a bit until they got to- okay, how had I missed Meryl? Jeez. Meryl's aura made Andi's aura look completely normal. Couldn't tell what she was, but mundane wasn't it. She was big- tall, muscled, heavyset, with hair a weird brownish-green color that couldn't have been natural and yet nobody in their right mind would choose on purpose. Another one to watch out for, even if she wasn't as asthetically pleasing.
Soon everyone but me had said their bit, and there was a slightly awkward silence.
"Now," Mary said, "Harry, it's time for your first disclosure."
"Oookay," I said. "And that would be?"
"Well, why don't you tell us about the first time you thought that you might be gay?" Mary smiled at me, a nice, sweet, and utterly fake smile.
"Um... I'm not?" I tried.
She gave me a pitying look.
"Seriously, I don't belong here," I said. "I'm not gay. I'm not attracted to guys. Stars and stones, I've probably forgotten half of everybody's names here because I was too distracted by Murphy's legs!"
"What?" Murphy said, getting halfway up from her seat before Andi pulled her back down. She sounded seriously pissed off. Whoops. Way to go, Harry. Go directly to pissing off the angry lesbian who can probably break you in half.
Mary nodded. "I see," she said. "Now, Harry, it's very common to start from a place of denial. What you need to do to see the truth is look at your life with fresh eyes. Have you ever had a girlfriend?"
"Well, no," I said. "I don't really have time for one."
There were some knowing nods around the circle. I glared at them.
"According to-" Mary consulted some papers "Elaine, is it?"
"My sister," I said, frowning. Had Elaine said something that had gotten me into this mess?
Mary frowned. "Your guardian said- well, nevermind that. According to Elaine, you've expressed some strong opinions on the looks of certain male classmates of yours."
"I can't have opinions? It's just... you know." I shrugged. "You can tell if a guy is hot or not without wanting to sleep with him, right?" My eyes slid involuntarily over to John. He didn't smirk, quite- it was more dignified than that. More of a slight, 'oh, really?' smile. I tore my eyes away. "Hell's bells," I said. "Did I really get thrown in here because I talk to my sister about the guys she's interested in?" Not that she had any more opportunity of getting a boyfriend than I had of getting a girlfriend, but still.
"You have enormous posters of Harrison Ford in your bedroom," Mary said.
"Excuse me," I said, "I wasn't aware that liking Star Wars and Indiana Jones made me gay." Not being able to watch those movies over and over was, I swear, one of the biggest downsides to being a wizard. "Is it abnormal to think Han Solo is awesome?"
"And," Mary said, "you keep pestering your guardian to get you a cat."
I stared at her. "You've got to be joking. You think. That I'm gay. Because I like cats." It took every bit of will I had- hell, every bit of Will- not to make a pussy joke. But I was good. All those lessons in self-control? Totally worth it.
"Harry," Andi said timidly. "I... look, sometimes it's difficult to know what normal is."
"Tell me about it," I muttered. Normal wasn't something I was ever going to be. Of course, if I was reading her aura right, Andi wasn't exactly normal either.
"It's just..." She twisted her hands together. "People don't talk about this sort of thing. It's easy to think that... you know, the way you look at girls- well, guys, for you- isn't sexual, because you're still learning what sexual is."
"Um, I know what sexual is," I said. "It's the way I look at" your legs, no, no, stop it Harry, stop with the foot-in-mouth disease "girls."
"And when you think a guy is hot," someone said, "that's not sexual because?"
I opened my mouth to answer, then closed it. Because I'm straight. Circular logic, right. Circular logic is bad. Okay. Fine. I could figure out the real answer, the answer that explained how I knew I was straight. And once I found that answer, I could go home. I took a deep, calming breath and closed my eyes.
I liked looking at women's bodies. That much, I had no doubt about. And, okay, it's not like it was a hardship to look at men's bodies either, aside from the seething jealousy about guys with more muscle than I could ever hope to have on my own scrawny frame. But that's just it. When I stared at the abs of those underwear models in the ads in the newspaper, I wasn't thinking, gee, I want to fuck that guy, I was thinking I want to look like that, if I was thinking at all.
And, I mean, okay, sometimes I'd get an erection. But given that for awhile I got hard every time I channeled fire, before I'd figured out how to access that magic without screwing with my circulatory system, it was pretty easy to dismiss the random erections I got from time to time. (Like right now, because the days was just going that well.) Take a cold shower (as if there were any other kind), move on.
So. The way I could tell that looking at girls was sexual and looking at boys wasn't, was that... Okay. I got crushes on girls sometimes. Justin discouraged it, but it's not like he could control what I was thinking. And sometimes, even though I knew it was useless, I'd let just that little bit of hope flourish, that this time she'd reciprocate, maybe this time the girl would judge me worthy of her love. And yeah, I'd think about having sex with whatever girl I was being unrealistic about, but that wasn't the point, the point was that...
Was that a girl's approval was a sign I was worthwhile.
With much trepidation, I considered the guys I had... admired, over the past couple years. Handsome, popular, smart, most of them wouldn't have a thing to do with me of course, but sometimes I thought, if I could just be their friend, that would...
I did not like where this was going.
Okay. Simple test. I would think of a guy, I would think of having sex with that guy, it would seem wrong or disgusting or even just boring, and that would be that.
I formed the vision in my mind, being as careful about details as if it was a magical working. Me, some guy- hell, why not make it Han Solo? If I didn't want to screw Han Solo, that would be positive evidence I was straight- So. Han Solo's hand on my...
Oh god.
"Stars and stones," I said weakly, as I opened my eyes "I'm a homosexual."
Re: But I'm a Wizard FILL 2/?
Was.
Asinine.
We sat in a circle in our chairs. And then everyone went around in a circle introducing themselves. Who they were, some random fact about themselves, and then the words, "I'm a homosexual."
Steve was a computer programmer and he was a homosexual. Emma played the violin and she was a homosexual. Jeff was a fucking ridiculous stereotype and he was, gasp, a homosexual.
Andi was... Andi was interesting. Andi was, by what I could tell from her aura- not that I had much practice at reading people's auras- a little bit magically sensitive. Probably not a wizard like me, but I made a mental note to check her out. No, not like that. Well, okay, yes like that, my god, those legs, but that didn't matter, because she liked nature and she was a homosexual. What I mean was, I figured I should see whether she had some magic skills or something.
Speaking of checking out, the next girl was interesting too, though not in the magical sort of way. "I'm Murphy," she said, her voice practically seething with rage. Mary gave her a reproving look, and Murphy rolled her eyes. "Fine, I'm Karrin. I just earned my second-rank black belt in Aikido. And," she gritted her teeth, "I'm a homosexual." She sat back down, arms folded, glaring at the wall. I didn't blame her. It was a really hideous wall.
Murphy was damn pretty. She was tiny- she might not even hit five feet- and her skirt and the short sleeves of her pepto-bismol pink blouse showed off a physique that was all wiry muscle. Her blond hair, cut into a short pixie cut, framed her face, which was... really nice. Cute little button nose, bright blue eyes, and take-no-shit attitude added up to a few hundred points in the the "What the hell am I doing here" column. Too bad she probably wouldn't be interested.
Well, okay, that's what they were trying to fix, wasn't it?
Ah, who was I kidding? Even if she was straight as an arrow, who would be interested in a guy who looks like me?
In one of life's little ironies, the answer to that question came immediately. The guy I'd run into in the dormitory was next. "I'm John," he said. "I assist my uncle in the management of his many business interests." He let his eyes slide over me again, up and down, not bothering to disguise it the least. "I'm a homosexual," he said blandly, with a slight, challenging smile.
I have to admit, as uncomfortable as it was to be on the recieving end of such interest, it was also kind of... nice. Reassuring. At least somebody thought I was hot, even if he was a bit too, you know, male for my taste.
The introductions continued, and I admit I spaced out a bit until they got to- okay, how had I missed Meryl? Jeez. Meryl's aura made Andi's aura look completely normal. Couldn't tell what she was, but mundane wasn't it. She was big- tall, muscled, heavyset, with hair a weird brownish-green color that couldn't have been natural and yet nobody in their right mind would choose on purpose. Another one to watch out for, even if she wasn't as asthetically pleasing.
Soon everyone but me had said their bit, and there was a slightly awkward silence.
"Now," Mary said, "Harry, it's time for your first disclosure."
"Oookay," I said. "And that would be?"
"Well, why don't you tell us about the first time you thought that you might be gay?" Mary smiled at me, a nice, sweet, and utterly fake smile.
"Um... I'm not?" I tried.
She gave me a pitying look.
"Seriously, I don't belong here," I said. "I'm not gay. I'm not attracted to guys. Stars and stones, I've probably forgotten half of everybody's names here because I was too distracted by Murphy's legs!"
"What?" Murphy said, getting halfway up from her seat before Andi pulled her back down. She sounded seriously pissed off. Whoops. Way to go, Harry. Go directly to pissing off the angry lesbian who can probably break you in half.
Mary nodded. "I see," she said. "Now, Harry, it's very common to start from a place of denial. What you need to do to see the truth is look at your life with fresh eyes. Have you ever had a girlfriend?"
"Well, no," I said. "I don't really have time for one."
There were some knowing nods around the circle. I glared at them.
"According to-" Mary consulted some papers "Elaine, is it?"
"My sister," I said, frowning. Had Elaine said something that had gotten me into this mess?
Mary frowned. "Your guardian said- well, nevermind that. According to Elaine, you've expressed some strong opinions on the looks of certain male classmates of yours."
"I can't have opinions? It's just... you know." I shrugged. "You can tell if a guy is hot or not without wanting to sleep with him, right?" My eyes slid involuntarily over to John. He didn't smirk, quite- it was more dignified than that. More of a slight, 'oh, really?' smile. I tore my eyes away. "Hell's bells," I said. "Did I really get thrown in here because I talk to my sister about the guys she's interested in?" Not that she had any more opportunity of getting a boyfriend than I had of getting a girlfriend, but still.
"You have enormous posters of Harrison Ford in your bedroom," Mary said.
"Excuse me," I said, "I wasn't aware that liking Star Wars and Indiana Jones made me gay." Not being able to watch those movies over and over was, I swear, one of the biggest downsides to being a wizard. "Is it abnormal to think Han Solo is awesome?"
"And," Mary said, "you keep pestering your guardian to get you a cat."
I stared at her. "You've got to be joking. You think. That I'm gay. Because I like cats." It took every bit of will I had- hell, every bit of Will- not to make a pussy joke. But I was good. All those lessons in self-control? Totally worth it.
"Harry," Andi said timidly. "I... look, sometimes it's difficult to know what normal is."
"Tell me about it," I muttered. Normal wasn't something I was ever going to be. Of course, if I was reading her aura right, Andi wasn't exactly normal either.
"It's just..." She twisted her hands together. "People don't talk about this sort of thing. It's easy to think that... you know, the way you look at girls- well, guys, for you- isn't sexual, because you're still learning what sexual is."
"Um, I know what sexual is," I said. "It's the way I look at" your legs, no, no, stop it Harry, stop with the foot-in-mouth disease "girls."
"And when you think a guy is hot," someone said, "that's not sexual because?"
I opened my mouth to answer, then closed it. Because I'm straight. Circular logic, right. Circular logic is bad. Okay. Fine. I could figure out the real answer, the answer that explained how I knew I was straight. And once I found that answer, I could go home. I took a deep, calming breath and closed my eyes.
I liked looking at women's bodies. That much, I had no doubt about. And, okay, it's not like it was a hardship to look at men's bodies either, aside from the seething jealousy about guys with more muscle than I could ever hope to have on my own scrawny frame. But that's just it. When I stared at the abs of those underwear models in the ads in the newspaper, I wasn't thinking, gee, I want to fuck that guy, I was thinking I want to look like that, if I was thinking at all.
And, I mean, okay, sometimes I'd get an erection. But given that for awhile I got hard every time I channeled fire, before I'd figured out how to access that magic without screwing with my circulatory system, it was pretty easy to dismiss the random erections I got from time to time. (Like right now, because the days was just going that well.) Take a cold shower (as if there were any other kind), move on.
So. The way I could tell that looking at girls was sexual and looking at boys wasn't, was that... Okay. I got crushes on girls sometimes. Justin discouraged it, but it's not like he could control what I was thinking. And sometimes, even though I knew it was useless, I'd let just that little bit of hope flourish, that this time she'd reciprocate, maybe this time the girl would judge me worthy of her love. And yeah, I'd think about having sex with whatever girl I was being unrealistic about, but that wasn't the point, the point was that...
Was that a girl's approval was a sign I was worthwhile.
With much trepidation, I considered the guys I had... admired, over the past couple years. Handsome, popular, smart, most of them wouldn't have a thing to do with me of course, but sometimes I thought, if I could just be their friend, that would...
I did not like where this was going.
Okay. Simple test. I would think of a guy, I would think of having sex with that guy, it would seem wrong or disgusting or even just boring, and that would be that.
I formed the vision in my mind, being as careful about details as if it was a magical working. Me, some guy- hell, why not make it Han Solo? If I didn't want to screw Han Solo, that would be positive evidence I was straight- So. Han Solo's hand on my...
Oh god.
"Stars and stones," I said weakly, as I opened my eyes "I'm a homosexual."