It didn't come out until he got me whisked away to his place. He took my coat to hang up, because he had to be a perfect host at all times, and asked, "Are we ordering in? Would you prefer something in particular?"
Unbidden, I replied, "I'd like you to cook."
"I could likely have something sent it that is superior to anything I could make. Are you sure?"
"Yes. It's not as good, but it's homey. Like you were taught by your mother or something. This is pretty much the only place I get that from, besides Charity."
John turned slowly away from the closet, eyebrows lifted. "Harry..."
I sighed. Nice while it lasted. "I've been... charmed or cursed. I have to answer things truthfully."
I could see that information being carefully processed in John's head. He thought it over slowly and I waited for him to do so. The thing between us had it's unspoken rules of not taking advantage of each other, just the basics to make it work, but this might've been too much for him to benevolently overlook. It was a golden opportunity to mine me for information. I was close to Winter, to the White Council. I knew about necromancy and Denarians. I had holy swords and Lasciel's coin and soulfire. He could force me to tell him my Name or any of the many secrets I kept for myself and others.
I knew that. And I could see him consider each options before setting them aside. He smiled ruefully and shook his head. "I must be a fool."
I let out a relieved breath. I really hadn't been sure how the chips were going to fall there. "Thanks."
He nodded and lead me to the kitchen. I settled in on a bar stool as he took stock, checking cabinets and the fridge. "Do you want to talk about the charm?"
"Yeah." I blinked. That was news to me. "Um."
He gave me a long, appraising look at my hesitation. "You have to speak the truth even if it's not something you recognize as true."
"I guess?" He set a beer in front of me and I helped myself to it. "It's already gotten... awkward." Apparently I'd have preferred death to being Mab's bitch. That was weird to wrap my head around. Weird and a little scary. Should I worry about myself? Seek an intervention? Make sure I don't look longingly at any straight razors? Stars and stones, I didn't know what to do about this.
"I can only imagine. I am assuming this is related to your Knighthood," John said, careful to not make it a question.
"Yeah. I told a little fib to Mab and the Leanansidhe decided to teach me a lesson. And there's an actual lesson too. I haven't figured out what it is yet though." I leaned forward on the kitchen island and watched John chop vegetables with creepy, fast motions. He handled a knife like it was an extension of himself. Unlike with everything else he ever did, he never seemed to think about it.
John chuckled softly. "Your faerie godmother. Has she always gone out of her way to torture you?"
"Since I was sixteen, yes."
The knife thunked against the cutting board, missing the tomato. John twisted to look over her shoulder at me.
I... didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. I was almost afraid of uttering another word, of what would come out of my mouth yes.
"Harry," John said quietly. "When you were sixteen, that's when your guardian died in that fire. I imagine that was your handiwork..." He set the knife down and leaned on the island next to me, green eyes boring into the top of my head. I refused to meet his gaze, keeping my gaze down. "Our soulgaze told me as much."
I nodded, eyes on the marble beneath my arms. "Yeah. But that was years ago."
"Such events define us," he said with the certainty of a man who knew what he was talking about. "How..." He seemed to try and stop himself, but couldn't quite manage it. "How was the Leanansidhe involved?"
I tried to stop it. I bit my lips, trying to keep them together, but the charm forced its hand. "I needed to beat Justin. I traded myself to Lea for the power to do it. She took me into the Nevernever and bled me." My hands suddenly curled into fists, tight enough my nails bit into my palms. I wanted it to stop, now. "She d-did things to me. To stake her claim on my life."
I let out a harsh breath, like the words had been punched out of me. Why was I so rattled?
John wasn't done. He just asked, "Things?"
"She blinded me with the blood loss and the glamours and she r--" No. No, no. I slammed a fist onto the table, putting all my will and focus on my words. The lights overhead started flickering wildly. Don't say it-- "Sh-she took me when I was took weak to fight back," I spat out and the icy cold of the compulsion loosened its hold of my voice. I sagged with sudden staggering exhaustion, hunched over the island, gasping for air.
"Harry--"
"No!" I forced my head up to look at John. "Don't you fucking dare, don't ask me anything!"
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timeasmymeasure
FILL 5/?
Date: 2011-02-18 11:27 pm (UTC)Unbidden, I replied, "I'd like you to cook."
"I could likely have something sent it that is superior to anything I could make. Are you sure?"
"Yes. It's not as good, but it's homey. Like you were taught by your mother or something. This is pretty much the only place I get that from, besides Charity."
John turned slowly away from the closet, eyebrows lifted. "Harry..."
I sighed. Nice while it lasted. "I've been... charmed or cursed. I have to answer things truthfully."
I could see that information being carefully processed in John's head. He thought it over slowly and I waited for him to do so. The thing between us had it's unspoken rules of not taking advantage of each other, just the basics to make it work, but this might've been too much for him to benevolently overlook. It was a golden opportunity to mine me for information. I was close to Winter, to the White Council. I knew about necromancy and Denarians. I had holy swords and Lasciel's coin and soulfire. He could force me to tell him my Name or any of the many secrets I kept for myself and others.
I knew that. And I could see him consider each options before setting them aside. He smiled ruefully and shook his head. "I must be a fool."
I let out a relieved breath. I really hadn't been sure how the chips were going to fall there. "Thanks."
He nodded and lead me to the kitchen. I settled in on a bar stool as he took stock, checking cabinets and the fridge. "Do you want to talk about the charm?"
"Yeah." I blinked. That was news to me. "Um."
He gave me a long, appraising look at my hesitation. "You have to speak the truth even if it's not something you recognize as true."
"I guess?" He set a beer in front of me and I helped myself to it. "It's already gotten... awkward." Apparently I'd have preferred death to being Mab's bitch. That was weird to wrap my head around. Weird and a little scary. Should I worry about myself? Seek an intervention? Make sure I don't look longingly at any straight razors? Stars and stones, I didn't know what to do about this.
"I can only imagine. I am assuming this is related to your Knighthood," John said, careful to not make it a question.
"Yeah. I told a little fib to Mab and the Leanansidhe decided to teach me a lesson. And there's an actual lesson too. I haven't figured out what it is yet though." I leaned forward on the kitchen island and watched John chop vegetables with creepy, fast motions. He handled a knife like it was an extension of himself. Unlike with everything else he ever did, he never seemed to think about it.
John chuckled softly. "Your faerie godmother. Has she always gone out of her way to torture you?"
"Since I was sixteen, yes."
The knife thunked against the cutting board, missing the tomato. John twisted to look over her shoulder at me.
I... didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. I was almost afraid of uttering another word, of what would come out of my mouth yes.
"Harry," John said quietly. "When you were sixteen, that's when your guardian died in that fire. I imagine that was your handiwork..." He set the knife down and leaned on the island next to me, green eyes boring into the top of my head. I refused to meet his gaze, keeping my gaze down. "Our soulgaze told me as much."
I nodded, eyes on the marble beneath my arms. "Yeah. But that was years ago."
"Such events define us," he said with the certainty of a man who knew what he was talking about. "How..." He seemed to try and stop himself, but couldn't quite manage it. "How was the Leanansidhe involved?"
I tried to stop it. I bit my lips, trying to keep them together, but the charm forced its hand. "I needed to beat Justin. I traded myself to Lea for the power to do it. She took me into the Nevernever and bled me." My hands suddenly curled into fists, tight enough my nails bit into my palms. I wanted it to stop, now. "She d-did things to me. To stake her claim on my life."
I let out a harsh breath, like the words had been punched out of me. Why was I so rattled?
John wasn't done. He just asked, "Things?"
"She blinded me with the blood loss and the glamours and she r--" No. No, no. I slammed a fist onto the table, putting all my will and focus on my words. The lights overhead started flickering wildly. Don't say it-- "Sh-she took me when I was took weak to fight back," I spat out and the icy cold of the compulsion loosened its hold of my voice. I sagged with sudden staggering exhaustion, hunched over the island, gasping for air.
"Harry--"
"No!" I forced my head up to look at John. "Don't you fucking dare, don't ask me anything!"
The lights in the kitchen went out. Great.