I woke suddenly, at some faint noise. I looked around the dark room, lit only by what light came in from outside.
John's bed was empty.
This was not my problem, I told myself. If John wanted to break curfew and sneak out of bed, well, that was his business. Hell, he was probably just in the bathroom or something. Except that the bathroom was right there, and there weren't any sounds coming from it.
I rolled over. This wasn't my problem. I was going back to sleep.
Fifteen minutes later, I was standing on the porch outside the boy's dormitory with some salt packets I'd swiped at dinner, my pentacle, and a dirty pair of John's underwear. I was barefoot and in my pajamas (provided by True Directions and therefore blue), but that was actually pretty comfy in the mild summer night air.
Yeah, yeah, less than twelve hours since I'd figured out I was... like that... and I was already an underwear-stealing pervert. So sue me. I tried for some of his hair, but his comb was clean. Underwear it would have to be.
While keeping alert for any sounds of people approaching, I poured out a circle of salt on the porch, stepped inside, and closed it with an application of Will. I took a minute or two just to clear my thoughts and gather the power I needed. I tied the underwear around my mother's pentacle and held it up on it's chain in front of me. Then I concentrated as Justin had taught me, murmured a few words of Latin, and broke the circle.
My makeshift pendulum swung sharply off to the east. I quickly swept the salt off the porch, and walked quickly and silently through the grass. The tracking spell led me off the property, into some nearby woods. I was glad I was used to walking in the woods barefoot, from some of the elemental exercises Justin had set me to doing- doing so in the dark unpracticed could have gotten uncomfortable.
It didn't take too long before I found him. The woods were awfully convenient; they let me hide and watch him unobserved.
He was also in his pajamas, though he'd put on some sort of boots. He was talking to another man, built rather like a small mountain. The other man handed John a black backpack. They talked a little more, then John slung the backpack on- I guessed it was pretty heavy, judging from how it moved- and headed... straight towards me.
Shit.
He didn't look like he saw me, though, more like he was just coming back the way he came. But there was a decent chance he'd see me hiding in the bushes, what with the stupid bright blue pajamas.
I'm bad at veils. Terrible, more like. Oh, I can hide things, but I hide them under a big brown smudge that pretty much screams "SOMETHING HIDDEN HERE." Still, it was dark, the trees were thick... I closed my eyes and concentrated. Then opened them. Yep, felt like I was standing in the middle of a giant beer bottle. I squinted out, but I couldn't really see a thing.
I heard rustling of leaves as John trudged by me in his big boots- bare feet would never make so much noise, I thought smugly- then an agonizing pause, terrifyingly close to me. I held my breath for what seemed like an eternity and was probably at least fifteen seconds, and then he moved on, more slowly.
I counted to five hundred in my head, slowly, and then dropped the veil. Even as little as a year ago that, on top of the tracking spell, would have left me worn out, but I actually felt fine. Maybe not like I wanted to do that again, but still. I was getting better. Woo.
I walked back to the house, and managed to slip into the boy's dorm without being seen.
He was kneeling by his bed, re-arranging the contents of his suitcase. I could see the backpack next to him, empty.
"Hey," I said, as casually as I could. "What are you doing?"
He pushed his bag under the bed again and stood up. "I might ask the same of you," he said.
I shrugged. "Bathroom."
He glanced pointedly at the boy's bathroom, en-suite with the bedroom. "Really now."
Yeah, I really should have had a better lie ready. I took what I hoped was a confident step forward. "Does it matter where I was?"
He was looking at me a bit oddly. "No, I suppose it doesn't."
"Great," I said. "I'm glad we've had this chat. I'm going back to bed."
"Wait," he said, closing the distance between us in a few brief strides.
He was standing two, maybe three feet away. "What?" I said, trying to make it clear that I didn't appreciate my personal space being violated.
"You've got leaves in your hair," he said, reaching for my head.
I froze. My heart started beating wildly and adrenaline surged in fight-or-flight response as he combed his fingers through my hair. I concentrated on my breath, a normal calming exercise.
"There," he said quietly, holding the leaves out for my inspection. He met my eyes, and I blinked once, but didn't remember to look away in time to prevent the soulgaze from starting.
I'd only ever soulgazed before with Elaine. I had seen her as the woman she was destined to become, a woman of grace and power. I had seen the wisdom and bravery she would come to have as she grew up. She was the ocean, vast and deep, shifting and swirling while remaining at the core the same.
I saw grace and power and wisdom and bravery in John too, but he wasn't anything like the the ocean. His mind was cool, and meticulously organized, and thrumming with the coiled tension of a predator. I felt his determination, sharp and relentless, to achieve his goals. He strategized, he plotted, he had plans and contingency plans mapped out for years, decades- I couldn't see their content, but I knew for a fact they were there. His life was one of waiting and watching, always, always ready to spring into action. He wasn't fearless; he felt fear, dispassionately evaluated it, and then put it aside. He had been raised as a soldier, a killer, and yes, he had killed before, feeling and then putting aside his regret- not guilt, not remorse, just quiet regret. His anger was a slow-burning fury, fed by contempt for those who took pleasure in cruelty. His own greatest pleasures came from pride, from a job well-executed, from doing things that he did well.
He had also put aside his shame at the events that led to him coming here. He wasn't ashamed about his sexual desires. He was ashamed that he had been careless. Shame that he had been caught, that he had taken a foolish risk for too small of a payoff. And he had taken that shame, and had fed it into his determination: he would make up for his mistake, he would correct the setbacks this had thrown into his plans.
And then, hidden away in a dark corner of his mind, was doubt. Doubt of his goals. A small, secret desire to just chuck everything aside and- and do what? He didn't know. He was a man who had all of his will bent to a goal because he didn't know what else to want.
And that frightened him.
The soulgaze ended. His eyes were wide in shock, but it took only a moment for him to collect himself again. "What-" his voice quavered, and then I could see himself clamping down, recovering his self-control. "What was that?"
"Soulgaze," I said, too off-balance to even think of a lie.
"And that's..."
"What it sounds like," I said. "It- goes both ways. Sorry. It- it happens if I look into someone's eyes too long."
"Ah," he said, instantly looking elsewhere.
"Just once," I added. "Can't happen again."
At the sound of heavy footsteps outside, we exchanged a very brief glance, and wasting no time, each dove into our own bed. We were barely in time; the door opened, and I could hear someone standing in the doorway. And then the door closed, and the footsteps retreated.
I fell asleep again wondering what John had seen in my eyes.
But I'm a Wizard FILL 4/?
John's bed was empty.
This was not my problem, I told myself. If John wanted to break curfew and sneak out of bed, well, that was his business. Hell, he was probably just in the bathroom or something. Except that the bathroom was right there, and there weren't any sounds coming from it.
I rolled over. This wasn't my problem. I was going back to sleep.
Fifteen minutes later, I was standing on the porch outside the boy's dormitory with some salt packets I'd swiped at dinner, my pentacle, and a dirty pair of John's underwear. I was barefoot and in my pajamas (provided by True Directions and therefore blue), but that was actually pretty comfy in the mild summer night air.
Yeah, yeah, less than twelve hours since I'd figured out I was... like that... and I was already an underwear-stealing pervert. So sue me. I tried for some of his hair, but his comb was clean. Underwear it would have to be.
While keeping alert for any sounds of people approaching, I poured out a circle of salt on the porch, stepped inside, and closed it with an application of Will. I took a minute or two just to clear my thoughts and gather the power I needed. I tied the underwear around my mother's pentacle and held it up on it's chain in front of me. Then I concentrated as Justin had taught me, murmured a few words of Latin, and broke the circle.
My makeshift pendulum swung sharply off to the east. I quickly swept the salt off the porch, and walked quickly and silently through the grass. The tracking spell led me off the property, into some nearby woods. I was glad I was used to walking in the woods barefoot, from some of the elemental exercises Justin had set me to doing- doing so in the dark unpracticed could have gotten uncomfortable.
It didn't take too long before I found him. The woods were awfully convenient; they let me hide and watch him unobserved.
He was also in his pajamas, though he'd put on some sort of boots. He was talking to another man, built rather like a small mountain. The other man handed John a black backpack. They talked a little more, then John slung the backpack on- I guessed it was pretty heavy, judging from how it moved- and headed... straight towards me.
Shit.
He didn't look like he saw me, though, more like he was just coming back the way he came. But there was a decent chance he'd see me hiding in the bushes, what with the stupid bright blue pajamas.
I'm bad at veils. Terrible, more like. Oh, I can hide things, but I hide them under a big brown smudge that pretty much screams "SOMETHING HIDDEN HERE." Still, it was dark, the trees were thick... I closed my eyes and concentrated. Then opened them. Yep, felt like I was standing in the middle of a giant beer bottle. I squinted out, but I couldn't really see a thing.
I heard rustling of leaves as John trudged by me in his big boots- bare feet would never make so much noise, I thought smugly- then an agonizing pause, terrifyingly close to me. I held my breath for what seemed like an eternity and was probably at least fifteen seconds, and then he moved on, more slowly.
I counted to five hundred in my head, slowly, and then dropped the veil. Even as little as a year ago that, on top of the tracking spell, would have left me worn out, but I actually felt fine. Maybe not like I wanted to do that again, but still. I was getting better. Woo.
I walked back to the house, and managed to slip into the boy's dorm without being seen.
He was kneeling by his bed, re-arranging the contents of his suitcase. I could see the backpack next to him, empty.
"Hey," I said, as casually as I could. "What are you doing?"
He pushed his bag under the bed again and stood up. "I might ask the same of you," he said.
I shrugged. "Bathroom."
He glanced pointedly at the boy's bathroom, en-suite with the bedroom. "Really now."
Yeah, I really should have had a better lie ready. I took what I hoped was a confident step forward. "Does it matter where I was?"
He was looking at me a bit oddly. "No, I suppose it doesn't."
"Great," I said. "I'm glad we've had this chat. I'm going back to bed."
"Wait," he said, closing the distance between us in a few brief strides.
He was standing two, maybe three feet away. "What?" I said, trying to make it clear that I didn't appreciate my personal space being violated.
"You've got leaves in your hair," he said, reaching for my head.
I froze. My heart started beating wildly and adrenaline surged in fight-or-flight response as he combed his fingers through my hair. I concentrated on my breath, a normal calming exercise.
"There," he said quietly, holding the leaves out for my inspection. He met my eyes, and I blinked once, but didn't remember to look away in time to prevent the soulgaze from starting.
I'd only ever soulgazed before with Elaine. I had seen her as the woman she was destined to become, a woman of grace and power. I had seen the wisdom and bravery she would come to have as she grew up. She was the ocean, vast and deep, shifting and swirling while remaining at the core the same.
I saw grace and power and wisdom and bravery in John too, but he wasn't anything like the the ocean. His mind was cool, and meticulously organized, and thrumming with the coiled tension of a predator. I felt his determination, sharp and relentless, to achieve his goals. He strategized, he plotted, he had plans and contingency plans mapped out for years, decades- I couldn't see their content, but I knew for a fact they were there. His life was one of waiting and watching, always, always ready to spring into action. He wasn't fearless; he felt fear, dispassionately evaluated it, and then put it aside. He had been raised as a soldier, a killer, and yes, he had killed before, feeling and then putting aside his regret- not guilt, not remorse, just quiet regret. His anger was a slow-burning fury, fed by contempt for those who took pleasure in cruelty. His own greatest pleasures came from pride, from a job well-executed, from doing things that he did well.
He had also put aside his shame at the events that led to him coming here. He wasn't ashamed about his sexual desires. He was ashamed that he had been careless. Shame that he had been caught, that he had taken a foolish risk for too small of a payoff. And he had taken that shame, and had fed it into his determination: he would make up for his mistake, he would correct the setbacks this had thrown into his plans.
And then, hidden away in a dark corner of his mind, was doubt. Doubt of his goals. A small, secret desire to just chuck everything aside and- and do what? He didn't know. He was a man who had all of his will bent to a goal because he didn't know what else to want.
And that frightened him.
The soulgaze ended. His eyes were wide in shock, but it took only a moment for him to collect himself again. "What-" his voice quavered, and then I could see himself clamping down, recovering his self-control. "What was that?"
"Soulgaze," I said, too off-balance to even think of a lie.
"And that's..."
"What it sounds like," I said. "It- goes both ways. Sorry. It- it happens if I look into someone's eyes too long."
"Ah," he said, instantly looking elsewhere.
"Just once," I added. "Can't happen again."
At the sound of heavy footsteps outside, we exchanged a very brief glance, and wasting no time, each dove into our own bed. We were barely in time; the door opened, and I could hear someone standing in the doorway. And then the door closed, and the footsteps retreated.
I fell asleep again wondering what John had seen in my eyes.